Thoughts

Do you hear me? I'm talking to you. Across the water, across the deep blue ocean. Under the open sky, oh my, baby I'm trying.

Boy I hear you in my dreams. I feel your whisper across the sea. I keep you with me in my heart. You make it easier when life gets hard.

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend. Lucky to have been where I have been. Lucky to be coming home again.

They don't know how long it takes. Waiting for a love like this. Every time we say goodbye, I wish we had one more kiss. I'll wait for you, I promise you I will.

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend. Lucky to have been where I have been. Lucky to be coming home again.

Lucky we're in love in every way. Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed. Lucky to be coming home someday.

And so I'm sailing through the sea. To an island where we'll meet. You'll hear the music fill the air. I'll put a flower in your hair.

Through the breezes through the trees. Move so pretty, you're all I see. As the world keeps spinning 'round. you hold me right here, right now.

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When it comes to life decisions, relationships, friendships, family...anything...I've had doubts about what I was doing and the decisions I was making. The source of doubt has come from my own thoughts and feelings but I've also realized that when others express doubt or raise questions about my life, I have a tendency to take on their feelings. That's when I begin to doubt myself.

I have learned that everyone has an opinion...and they are entitled to it. In some cases I like to hear it but sometimes I don't. I don't like to second guess myself. I think the things that I do for a reason and I feel the way I do for a reason...I have to stop letting what others think and feel influence me. Nobody knows me better than I know myself and I cannot forget that. My sources of doubt come from two places...from myself and from other people.

From past experiences I have learned that the doubt coming from myself needs to be listened to. There is a reason for it and I have talked myself out of it...rationalized my own thinking in situations where I shouldn't have. It has cost me in some ways but been beneficial in others. I started listening to myself and have been taking care of my own needs since and have never been happier.

I learned something in psych class my freshman year...hindsight bias. It's when we exaggerate the predictability of an event after it happened. Like when we say..."I knew that was going to happen." But yet when we originally were thinking it, the feeling wasn't as strong. Don't know if that makes sense or not. Too many times I haven't listened to my feelings, brushed them off as being stupid or irrational when in fact they were just the opposite.

In the last few weeks I have forgotten that I am the only one that really knows me. I allow other people to make me doubt myself...which is exactly what I started doing. I am done. Nobody knows except me. I am happy and I am confident that I am doing exactly what I am supposed to do. Optimism is what has saved me. Positive attitude is everything in believing in myself and in my dreams is what keeps me happy. I love my life. Yes, things are uncertain and yes, some things are up in the air right now but everything will work out the way it is supposed to.

I get so upset sometimes because some things people say make me feel like they don't trust me to make my own decisions. Anybody that loves me can see that this is the happiest I have ever been and I want them to be happy for me. Most are.

I have been through a lot. Made a lot of mistakes, learned a lot of things. I am not a rookie when it comes to relationships and what it takes to make them work. I have accomplished a lot and I'm no dummy. I have a good sense of who I can and can't trust and I will NOT let people take advantage of me. I believe in myself. 

Bottom line...I can and will make my own decisions. Nobody knows me better than me. I am in tune with my feelings and the things I want in life and will do what it takes to make it. Let me make my own mistakes and make my own life path. Don't tell me it will be hard...I already know this. I am prepared for it and will do WHATEVER it takes to make it through it all. That's life, it's not supposed to be easy and simple with everything laid out nice and neat.

Maybe the path I am taking is not what some people would choose or recommend...but it's my life not theirs. I will succeed. And that's a promise that will not be broken. TRUST.