...Rewind, Pause, Stop, Play, Fast Forward...

Don't lose today by thinking about yesterdays or tomorrows. There is one day and that is TODAY.


Sometimes it is so easy to get caught up in the past or the future...always wishing it were a different day than what it is. I've been doing that a lot lately because of the craziness of school and with the love of my life being gone. But I always try to remind myself that today is another day that I will never get back.




Rewind


I always think about regrets. So many people say, "I have no regrets." I wonder how truthful that is. If they truly mean it then I think that's great. Sometimes I think I have said it just to say it. I do understand that everything that has happened in my life has made me who I am today. I definitely believe that but just because I know it's true, doesn't mean I don't regret anything.
If you were given the chance to go back and change something in your life, would you? Would you take back something you said? Change something you did? The way you treated someone? A decision you made?
I would. I wonder how much changing even the smallest of things in the past can alter the present. Hmm...
Other things I wouldn't change for anything! I have had so much fun and spent time with so many great people that I would love hit the rewind button and do the same thing all over again. Wouldn't that be nice? We could have a rewind button for life...go back to a fun party, or a great Christmas from when we were three years old. I would want to relive a lot of really great moments that I've had and spend time with some of the people I have loved most in my life.


Pause


Sometimes life can be so overwhelming that all we want to do is push the pause button so we have time to take a deep breath. Have you heard that song by Darryl Worley, Sounds Like Life to Me?
"I said hey man, what's going on? He said...I don't know where to start. Sarah's old car's about to fall apart and the washer quit last week. We had to put momma in the nursing home and the baby's cutting teeth. I didn't get much work this week and I got bills to pay. I said I know this ain't what you wanna hear but it's what I'm gonna say: Sounds like life to me, it ain't no fantasy. It's just a common case of everyday reality. Man I know it's tough, but you just gotta suck it up. Sounds like life to me, plain old destiny. Yeah the only thing for certain is uncertainty. You gotta hold on tight, just enjoy the ride. Get used to all this unpredictability. Sounds like life to me."
I think that song says it all. There have been so many times that I have felt on the verge of a breakdown because life just keeps throwing obstacles at me or insists on speeding up when all I feel like doing is slowing down. My dad always says, "That's life Gee...that's what makes you who you are. It's just that some people get more obstacles thrown at them than others." Whenever I think about a pause button for life I think of my dad. Life isn't supposed to be easy and nobody ever said it would be. Once the craziness settles or the crisis passes...doesn't it feel good to sit back and be able to say, "I made it"?



Stop


Ever felt like giving up? Like you don't even want to try anymore? I have. Exhaustion and overwhelming emotions can really take it out of you. But you know what? Things can't stop...won't stop...and in reality, I would never ever want them to. Life is crazy with a whole lot of ups and a whole lot of downs. Sometimes things are great, sometimes things are horrible. But no matter what is going on...somebody else has had it worse and survived it. A shift in attitude can make all the difference in the world. Unselfish thinking can do wonders. It's just not always easy. If it were...then what would remind us to be thankful for the great things in our lives? 


Fast Forward


Wishing for a fast forward button feels like the only thing I've been doing since July. My other half is gone...school is crazy and I am so close to graduation...our wedding is next year...I just have so many wonderful things in my future. When a day is hard, or exhaustion sets in...I say to myself, "I just wish it was two weeks from now and then everything will calm down and I can take a breath." But guess what. When I finally got to that point I was only wishing to fast forward to next two weeks. It's a cycle that never ends unless we put a stop to it. And I have finally done that and it feels so good. Looking back...I have loved doing everything that I have done. The craziness of my 46 page epidemiology paper, the three months without Logan, the three times I've moved since September, the first half of my last semester of school, 8 days of complex clinical, even more days of community, presentations, midterms...all of it...has been wonderful. I have grown so much this past year that it amazes me. I can honestly say I have never ever been this happy before. I love my past, I love the present, and I am so excited about my future. So guess what. I am going to wake up and put a smile on my face every single morning and say..."Today is going to be a great day." Because it will be if I make it one. No more wishing for a fast forward button. I will appreciate each and every day that I am blessed with. 


Life is beautiful and I am a very lucky girl. 


Play


Play is constant, whether we want it to be or not. Play is what is natural...it's what forces us to wake up every day, put a smile on our face, and keep on going! And I love it. Every second of it. Ups, downs, and turn arounds....I am blessed!