March 29, 2009
I've been thinking a lot lately about how lucky I am to have the life that I do. I have so many amazing people in my life and have seen and done some amazing things. This is just the beginning of a very looooong list of things and people I love and why...dreams...goals...thoughts...and anything else I feel like writing at the moment. Everyone can use a reminder about why to smile when they're feeling down right? Well this is going to be mine.
"Stay strong through the struggle, that's what life is about
When life brings trouble
You can fight or run away
I have no struggle
Relax and watch me float away
I'm coastin'
I'm coastin on a dream"
Every day I am sent an e-mail with a "daily thought." I wake up every morning and before I even get out of bed... I check my mail on my phone and read it. It gives me something to think about during the day and on a few occasions it has even saved me from...well...it has just saved me. No need for details. It's made me open up my eyes and think about the bigger picture.
"Nothing is as real as a dream. The world can change around you, but your dream will not. Responsibilities need not erase it. Duties need not obscure it. Because the dream is within you, no one can take it away."
-Tom Clancy
I have a lot of dreams and the one person in my life that has ALWAYS encouraged me to dream and go after what I want has been my dad. He is the most amazing human being I have ever met and I love him more than life itself. Dreaming is what keeps me alive. I will never give up. Ever.
"There is nothing we cannot live down, rise above, and overcome."
-Ella Wheeler Wilcox
Everybody in life has experienced different things...good things, bad things, absolutely amazing things. Everyone responds differently to events in life and everyone has the right to do so. Life experiences shape the person you are. It's easy to get caught up in sadness and pain but no matter what happens to me, I always want to remember that I am blessed.
I've been lied to, I've been betrayed, I've done things I'm not proud of, I've lost people I love...everybody has. That's called life. And I love life. I am ok and I will always be ok. No matter what. At least that is what I am going to believe. If I believe that it is true then it is.
"Life is what we make it. Always has been, always will be."
-Grandma Moses
"When we truly care for ourselves, it becomes possible to care far more profoundly about other people. The more alert and sensitive we are to our own needs, the more loving and generous we can be towards others."
-Eda Le Shan
I think I've neglected myself for a long time and I'm slowly learning to love the person I am becoming. I am learning so much every day and I have so many people to thank for that. For the past 6 years I have focused on other peoples problems instead of on my own...I was scared to face the world alone and face my fears. I still get scared and I am still weak in a lot of situations but I'm surviving. I will always survive. There is no space in my life for failure. It just won't happen. I promise :)
I want to love and I want to make people happy....and in return I will be happy. I have seen just how true this quote is in the last few months and have seen that love and acceptance of self is the first step in loving others.
------------------------------------------------------------------
-Random Thoughts-
I want to dance in the rain.
I want the kind of love that never fades away. I dream of being next to my hubby after 50 years and being able to remember exactly why I fell in love with him every time I look into his eyes. I want the kind of love that grows stronger each minute I spend with that person. I don't ever want the happiness to fade away. Is that possible?
I don't like selfish relationships. I love having the desire to make people happy and see them smile. I want to be spoiled just as much as I want to spoil somebody else. It's an amazing feeling...really...everyone should try and find that person that makes them feel that way. I'm lucky enough to have a few of them in my life!
I don't want to hurt people I love anymore....one person in particular...I have hurt him intentionally in some ways and unintentionally in others. Him and I are two different people and unfortunately we don't have each other anymore. As much as it hurts me to have lost one of my best friends and the person who understood me more than anyone else ever has...I will let him be. I have seen the pain I have caused him and it has broken my heart. I love him and want nothing but happiness for him. Unfortunately, giving him the happiness he deserves means I losing somebody I care deeply about. I wish things could be different...maybe they will be someday. Who knows? But for now I will let him move on and discover the person he is without me.
--------------------------------------------
"So here I sit back at square one
memories so upside down what the hell have i done
theres a time and place for this but now its time to run
its time to get out of this giant hole
time to change everything Ill ever know
run run run time to get up and go
now Im sitting at the two paths
no time to decide which one to take
so now my decision is to make my own and go straight
turn them upside down memories right side up
make my own decisions so now their not so abrupt
straighten my head a little bit so the memories arent so corrupt
my life is now my life there is no us
who knows what is near in the future now I have no rush
we'll see where that straight path takes me I think it is a must
throws those upside down memories away for good
get rid of all the garbage like I know I should
no more friendship no more memories no more pain no more trust
so this is goodbye to all of the past and future memories that we'll never see from us"
------------------------------------------
The timing of when this was sent to me from him was horrible because so many other things were also going on but since then I have been able to understand why he's saying the things he is and doing the things he's doing. He referred to me as the angel with the broken halo...not gonna lie...that didn't make me feel very good. But I know he is hurting and I know it is because of me. I don't want to make him hurt anymore. I want his heart to heal so he is able to find love again someday. He deserves it.
Thank you for everything you have done for me. I love you and I always will. Forever and ever :)
----------------------------------------
March 29 -- 9 p.m.
I feel absolutely amazing right now. I never want the feeling to go away. I love the excitement of newness. Ahhh all smiles :)
------------------------------------------------------
A friend just gave me the best feeling in the world. He asked me how I was so happy and after I responded...he told me he actually wrote part of it down because he liked my response so much. He said "seriously though what you said is so right.. i think i like it so much
because i have been negative for the past like, 3 to 5 months. its a
total paradigm shift in my thought process."
That makes me feel on top of the world. :)
--------------------------
I've been thinking a lot lately about how lucky I am to have the life that I do. I have so many amazing people in my life and have seen and done some amazing things. This is just the beginning of a very looooong list of things and people I love and why...dreams...goals...thoughts...and anything else I feel like writing at the moment. Everyone can use a reminder about why to smile when they're feeling down right? Well this is going to be mine.
"Stay strong through the struggle, that's what life is about
When life brings trouble
You can fight or run away
I have no struggle
Relax and watch me float away
I'm coastin'
I'm coastin on a dream"
Every day I am sent an e-mail with a "daily thought." I wake up every morning and before I even get out of bed... I check my mail on my phone and read it. It gives me something to think about during the day and on a few occasions it has even saved me from...well...it has just saved me. No need for details. It's made me open up my eyes and think about the bigger picture.
"Nothing is as real as a dream. The world can change around you, but your dream will not. Responsibilities need not erase it. Duties need not obscure it. Because the dream is within you, no one can take it away."
-Tom Clancy
I have a lot of dreams and the one person in my life that has ALWAYS encouraged me to dream and go after what I want has been my dad. He is the most amazing human being I have ever met and I love him more than life itself. Dreaming is what keeps me alive. I will never give up. Ever.
"There is nothing we cannot live down, rise above, and overcome."
-Ella Wheeler Wilcox
Everybody in life has experienced different things...good things, bad things, absolutely amazing things. Everyone responds differently to events in life and everyone has the right to do so. Life experiences shape the person you are. It's easy to get caught up in sadness and pain but no matter what happens to me, I always want to remember that I am blessed.
I've been lied to, I've been betrayed, I've done things I'm not proud of, I've lost people I love...everybody has. That's called life. And I love life. I am ok and I will always be ok. No matter what. At least that is what I am going to believe. If I believe that it is true then it is.
"Life is what we make it. Always has been, always will be."
-Grandma Moses
"When we truly care for ourselves, it becomes possible to care far more profoundly about other people. The more alert and sensitive we are to our own needs, the more loving and generous we can be towards others."
-Eda Le Shan
I think I've neglected myself for a long time and I'm slowly learning to love the person I am becoming. I am learning so much every day and I have so many people to thank for that. For the past 6 years I have focused on other peoples problems instead of on my own...I was scared to face the world alone and face my fears. I still get scared and I am still weak in a lot of situations but I'm surviving. I will always survive. There is no space in my life for failure. It just won't happen. I promise :)
I want to love and I want to make people happy....and in return I will be happy. I have seen just how true this quote is in the last few months and have seen that love and acceptance of self is the first step in loving others.
------------------------------------------------------------------
-Random Thoughts-
I want to dance in the rain.
I want the kind of love that never fades away. I dream of being next to my hubby after 50 years and being able to remember exactly why I fell in love with him every time I look into his eyes. I want the kind of love that grows stronger each minute I spend with that person. I don't ever want the happiness to fade away. Is that possible?
I don't like selfish relationships. I love having the desire to make people happy and see them smile. I want to be spoiled just as much as I want to spoil somebody else. It's an amazing feeling...really...everyone should try and find that person that makes them feel that way. I'm lucky enough to have a few of them in my life!
I don't want to hurt people I love anymore....one person in particular...I have hurt him intentionally in some ways and unintentionally in others. Him and I are two different people and unfortunately we don't have each other anymore. As much as it hurts me to have lost one of my best friends and the person who understood me more than anyone else ever has...I will let him be. I have seen the pain I have caused him and it has broken my heart. I love him and want nothing but happiness for him. Unfortunately, giving him the happiness he deserves means I losing somebody I care deeply about. I wish things could be different...maybe they will be someday. Who knows? But for now I will let him move on and discover the person he is without me.
--------------------------------------------
"So here I sit back at square one
memories so upside down what the hell have i done
theres a time and place for this but now its time to run
its time to get out of this giant hole
time to change everything Ill ever know
run run run time to get up and go
now Im sitting at the two paths
no time to decide which one to take
so now my decision is to make my own and go straight
turn them upside down memories right side up
make my own decisions so now their not so abrupt
straighten my head a little bit so the memories arent so corrupt
my life is now my life there is no us
who knows what is near in the future now I have no rush
we'll see where that straight path takes me I think it is a must
throws those upside down memories away for good
get rid of all the garbage like I know I should
no more friendship no more memories no more pain no more trust
so this is goodbye to all of the past and future memories that we'll never see from us"
------------------------------------------
The timing of when this was sent to me from him was horrible because so many other things were also going on but since then I have been able to understand why he's saying the things he is and doing the things he's doing. He referred to me as the angel with the broken halo...not gonna lie...that didn't make me feel very good. But I know he is hurting and I know it is because of me. I don't want to make him hurt anymore. I want his heart to heal so he is able to find love again someday. He deserves it.
Thank you for everything you have done for me. I love you and I always will. Forever and ever :)
----------------------------------------
March 29 -- 9 p.m.
I feel absolutely amazing right now. I never want the feeling to go away. I love the excitement of newness. Ahhh all smiles :)
------------------------------------------------------
A friend just gave me the best feeling in the world. He asked me how I was so happy and after I responded...he told me he actually wrote part of it down because he liked my response so much. He said "seriously though what you said is so right.. i think i like it so much
because i have been negative for the past like, 3 to 5 months. its a
total paradigm shift in my thought process."
That makes me feel on top of the world. :)
--------------------------
It's
not always easy and I'm not always happy but I try to be. Attitude
changes everything. I turned into a really negative person for awhile
and now I try to stay positive and distance myself from the people that
are negative and bring me down
It's just something I had to do because I was always so down and out...I didn't want to be that way anymore.
It's all about taking care of yourself and what you need. Obviously if
you're unahppy then something needs to happen to change that. And the
only person that knows how to do that is yourself. Ya know? I spent so
much time trying to make sure other people weren't upset and gave up
things i knew I needed just so I didn't make anyone upset.
It's
just crazy because taking caring of yourself and doing what you need to
do to make sure you're happy makes it sooooooo much easier to make
other people happy. It's not even a struggle anymore.
It's
not easy to balance....but anyone that cares about you should
understand why you do those things. Maybe not right away but eventually
they'll get it.
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