It's just been one of those days...

Always&Forever

Today is going to be a beautiful day. Why? Because I am going to make it one. I have the power to create my own destiny. Bumps in the road are part of life but I choose my response, I choose my next steps, I choose to be happy, or I choose to be upset. Nobody controls me except me. We have so much power in our own life. So today I am taking control. I am making today a wonderful day.

Watch your thoughts, for they become words. Watch your words, for they become actions.

Watch your actions, for they become habits. Watch your habits, for they become character.

Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.

Relax...Deep Breath...REPEAT.


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.in love with my best friend.

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There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other one is as though everything is a miracle.

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Time to Reminisce...

The cuz and me...summer 2005. The summer we were reunited. I love her!

The annual camping trip. Summer 2005.

Night out freshman year!

My grandpa...aka my favorite person in the world. I miss him.

Beach day @ Waikiki freshman year.

Senior trip in Cancun!

What my tattoo is supposed to look like...

Taken right after I got it done, July 2005.

Going for a drive with my Pops.

Never Forget...Best Friends Forever.

 

Whale watch catamaran: Freshman Year

Beautiful Island Park.

Me n' Dirty Dan.

I'm a proud aunty. I love my little Wyatt!

My bestest when she came to visit me in Hawaii.

At DB's December 2007.

My Hero.

Beach night with Ash =]

Drunken nights with the besties.

Homies 4 Life Yo.

Yay for finishing level 3!

Cuzzizzle. May 2008.

My goodbye party @ Christina's...love my Colie and Deegan!

Vegas Trip Summer 2008.

My Garabito girls!

The places we have been, the things we have done, the pain we have endured, the smiles we have smiled, the tears we have cried, the friends we have loved, the fights we have fought, the hills we have climbed, the miles we have walked, the songs we have sang, the love we have shared...

make us who we are. I am so thankful for all the wonderful people in my life and I always want to remember that I have been blessed with an amazing life. I love my family and I love my friends. Thank you all for everything you have done for me and for the good times we have shared.

Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead. The consciousness of loving and being loved brings a warmth and richness to life that nothing else can bring

I really felt like writing tonight so I sat down...opened up the screen...and just stared. I don't even know what to say. I have so many thing running through my mind right now that unless I have something to guide me, I'm blank. School is crazy, I love it and hate it all at the same time. And as much as I am ready to graduate, I'm also not. My to do list for this week is huge, I'm feeling slightly overwhelmed, and all I really want is ONE day off, not two or three...just one will be fine. I want to wake up to no alarm clock, spend the morning at Ko'olina and just relax the day away...WITHOUT homework and epi paper and studying and EKG's and complex care and clinical worksheets and CT2 and home visits and everything else. Sounds nice...maybe next month!

 I realized today that for the first time in 7 years, Brett has not come into my mind every single day. That scares me. I am so afraid of forgetting. And I know I never will but I want to think of him every day and feel him with me. I gave my necklace with Brett's picture on it to Logan before he left for deployment. He wears him around his neck every single day and I know Brett is keeping him safe. Maybe that's why I haven't felt him as much lately, because he is taking care of my other half....making sure he comes home safe to me.

I hope that someday I will understand life a little better...sometimes I just don't get it. Maybe we aren't supposed to get it. I don't know.

One more day One more time  One more sunset, maybe Id be satisfied But then again I know what it would do...Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you

You'll Always Be My Shooting Star

Afraid to remember...but terrified to forget. I love him, I miss him. He was my best friend.

If you hear this

Wherever you are
Just know I need you here
I need you near me now
You were brighter than the pale white moon
Reflected in your eyes
So I guess it's no surprise
I can't forget you
No matter what I do

I will always carry you
In my heart
You'll always be my shooting star
Autumn days will fade away
But memories will always stay the same
I'm hoping you will never change
Don't ever change

I just need to slow down for awhile
I'm missing your warm smile and the way you used to say
Stay with me till the daylight breaks
No matter what it takes
Just say you'll stay
Just say you'll stay

I will always carry you
In my heart
You'll always be my shooting star
Autumn days will fade away
But memories will always stay the same
I'm hoping you will never change
Don't ever change.
Don't ever fade away...

“Music speaks what cannot be expressed, soothes the mind and gives it rest, heals the heart and makes it whole, flows from heaven to the soul.”

Make every day count. Appreciate every moment and take from it everything that you possibly can.

"Everything happens for a reason."

Is it true or is it just one of those things people say to make you feel better about whatever it is that's going on in life at that particular moment? I don't know...I don't think anybody knows but I can tell you this: Certain things have happened in my life that left me feeling like my whole world was turned upside down. Other situations have confused me, others have made me sad, others have made me feel extremely blessed. Looking back, I now see how everything has fit together. It all makes sense. Don't get me wrong, there are still situations I wish would have turned out differently but overall, I think everything has worked out just the way it was supposed to.

I Love Him

Thoughts

Do you hear me? I'm talking to you. Across the water, across the deep blue ocean. Under the open sky, oh my, baby I'm trying.

Boy I hear you in my dreams. I feel your whisper across the sea. I keep you with me in my heart. You make it easier when life gets hard.

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend. Lucky to have been where I have been. Lucky to be coming home again.

They don't know how long it takes. Waiting for a love like this. Every time we say goodbye, I wish we had one more kiss. I'll wait for you, I promise you I will.

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend. Lucky to have been where I have been. Lucky to be coming home again.

Lucky we're in love in every way. Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed. Lucky to be coming home someday.

And so I'm sailing through the sea. To an island where we'll meet. You'll hear the music fill the air. I'll put a flower in your hair.

Through the breezes through the trees. Move so pretty, you're all I see. As the world keeps spinning 'round. you hold me right here, right now.

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When it comes to life decisions, relationships, friendships, family...anything...I've had doubts about what I was doing and the decisions I was making. The source of doubt has come from my own thoughts and feelings but I've also realized that when others express doubt or raise questions about my life, I have a tendency to take on their feelings. That's when I begin to doubt myself.

I have learned that everyone has an opinion...and they are entitled to it. In some cases I like to hear it but sometimes I don't. I don't like to second guess myself. I think the things that I do for a reason and I feel the way I do for a reason...I have to stop letting what others think and feel influence me. Nobody knows me better than I know myself and I cannot forget that. My sources of doubt come from two places...from myself and from other people.

From past experiences I have learned that the doubt coming from myself needs to be listened to. There is a reason for it and I have talked myself out of it...rationalized my own thinking in situations where I shouldn't have. It has cost me in some ways but been beneficial in others. I started listening to myself and have been taking care of my own needs since and have never been happier.

I learned something in psych class my freshman year...hindsight bias. It's when we exaggerate the predictability of an event after it happened. Like when we say..."I knew that was going to happen." But yet when we originally were thinking it, the feeling wasn't as strong. Don't know if that makes sense or not. Too many times I haven't listened to my feelings, brushed them off as being stupid or irrational when in fact they were just the opposite.

In the last few weeks I have forgotten that I am the only one that really knows me. I allow other people to make me doubt myself...which is exactly what I started doing. I am done. Nobody knows except me. I am happy and I am confident that I am doing exactly what I am supposed to do. Optimism is what has saved me. Positive attitude is everything in believing in myself and in my dreams is what keeps me happy. I love my life. Yes, things are uncertain and yes, some things are up in the air right now but everything will work out the way it is supposed to.

I get so upset sometimes because some things people say make me feel like they don't trust me to make my own decisions. Anybody that loves me can see that this is the happiest I have ever been and I want them to be happy for me. Most are.

I have been through a lot. Made a lot of mistakes, learned a lot of things. I am not a rookie when it comes to relationships and what it takes to make them work. I have accomplished a lot and I'm no dummy. I have a good sense of who I can and can't trust and I will NOT let people take advantage of me. I believe in myself. 

Bottom line...I can and will make my own decisions. Nobody knows me better than me. I am in tune with my feelings and the things I want in life and will do what it takes to make it. Let me make my own mistakes and make my own life path. Don't tell me it will be hard...I already know this. I am prepared for it and will do WHATEVER it takes to make it through it all. That's life, it's not supposed to be easy and simple with everything laid out nice and neat.

Maybe the path I am taking is not what some people would choose or recommend...but it's my life not theirs. I will succeed. And that's a promise that will not be broken. TRUST.