Everything I've always dreamed of...

My heart beats faster when I think of him. I want to be held in his arms when I am upset, I want to share all my happy times with him and tell him about my day. And I want him to genuinely care. I need to be appreciated and appreciate him just the same. Spoil him to be spoiled back. Neither will give more than take. It is equal. We are equal. No such thing as I love you more and I love you most. I love you equal. Appreciate the small things...an e-mail to say hello, waiting in line for an hour to use the phone, working 12 hours on no sleep and walking the distance to the computer center to get on skype, taking time out of sleep to write in our journal, surprising me with flowers. Missing him like crazy and what song comes on? You're Never Gonna Be Alone. We are with each other every second of every day...body, mind, and spirit. He is who I think about when I am happy, he is who I think about when I am sad. I want to tell him everything. I think of him when I am lying in bed at night...when I am driving and our favorite songs come on. He is who I want to sing with. I yearn for his voice. He gives me butterflies and a 10 minute phone conversation can brighten the darkest of days. He always knows what to say, always knows what it is I need to hear. Sometimes I am scared to forget...forget what it feels like to be in his arms, to hold his hand, to touch his cheek. I remember the good times, I remember the bad and we have overcome everything and come out on top and gained more respect for one another. There is no I...it is we. WE got this...the good stuff...the real thing.

What can burn for many a year? A true love can burn for many a year.

I wear a promise ring...a ring I bought for myself...

A promise to NEVER settle for less. Less that what I need, what I want, and what I deserve. I am not settling and I will never have to because I have found the man of my dreams. The man I love with all of my heart. WE will never settle. He is my forever. I am his forever.

I miss him. I miss his hands and his dimples...his cheeseball smile. I miss his toes and the way his feet feel when they're intertwined with mine. I miss his ears and his lips...and the look on his face when he thinks he did something wrong. I miss dancing with him when there's no music. I miss the way he twirls me when we are walking down the street. I miss his positive attitude and the way he talks to anyone and everyone. I miss his eyes...I miss the way he snores when he's really tired. I miss the noises he makes when he's really relaxed. I miss lying my head on his chest when I fall asleep. I miss him singing to me...and I miss his cooking. I miss everything about him. I miss my otha alf.

 

There are so many little signs that are showing me my life is going in the direction it is supposed to.

I get told all the time that things will change.  "Don't count on things staying this way forever," they say. What do they know? What does anybody know? I'm not counting on things staying the same. I know that is impossible but I have been through a lot of things that people have no idea about. It's funny when I get underestimated...when what I say gets brushed off, after all..what would I know?

Feeling good since talking to Logan yesterday! Anxiety is going down and I am taking this week one day at a time. Level V is all about time management and man oh man is it tough. Spent 7 hours on CT2 so far and I'm only about 1/8 of the way done. It's due Saturday....yikes. But like I said, one day at a time. Things will work out :0) I have faith! Goodnight.

It's just been one of those days...

Always&Forever

Today is going to be a beautiful day. Why? Because I am going to make it one. I have the power to create my own destiny. Bumps in the road are part of life but I choose my response, I choose my next steps, I choose to be happy, or I choose to be upset. Nobody controls me except me. We have so much power in our own life. So today I am taking control. I am making today a wonderful day.

Watch your thoughts, for they become words. Watch your words, for they become actions.

Watch your actions, for they become habits. Watch your habits, for they become character.

Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.

Relax...Deep Breath...REPEAT.


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.in love with my best friend.

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There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other one is as though everything is a miracle.

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Time to Reminisce...

The cuz and me...summer 2005. The summer we were reunited. I love her!

The annual camping trip. Summer 2005.

Night out freshman year!

My grandpa...aka my favorite person in the world. I miss him.

Beach day @ Waikiki freshman year.

Senior trip in Cancun!

What my tattoo is supposed to look like...

Taken right after I got it done, July 2005.

Going for a drive with my Pops.

Never Forget...Best Friends Forever.

 

Whale watch catamaran: Freshman Year

Beautiful Island Park.

Me n' Dirty Dan.

I'm a proud aunty. I love my little Wyatt!

My bestest when she came to visit me in Hawaii.

At DB's December 2007.

My Hero.

Beach night with Ash =]

Drunken nights with the besties.

Homies 4 Life Yo.

Yay for finishing level 3!

Cuzzizzle. May 2008.

My goodbye party @ Christina's...love my Colie and Deegan!

Vegas Trip Summer 2008.

My Garabito girls!

The places we have been, the things we have done, the pain we have endured, the smiles we have smiled, the tears we have cried, the friends we have loved, the fights we have fought, the hills we have climbed, the miles we have walked, the songs we have sang, the love we have shared...

make us who we are. I am so thankful for all the wonderful people in my life and I always want to remember that I have been blessed with an amazing life. I love my family and I love my friends. Thank you all for everything you have done for me and for the good times we have shared.

Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead. The consciousness of loving and being loved brings a warmth and richness to life that nothing else can bring

I really felt like writing tonight so I sat down...opened up the screen...and just stared. I don't even know what to say. I have so many thing running through my mind right now that unless I have something to guide me, I'm blank. School is crazy, I love it and hate it all at the same time. And as much as I am ready to graduate, I'm also not. My to do list for this week is huge, I'm feeling slightly overwhelmed, and all I really want is ONE day off, not two or three...just one will be fine. I want to wake up to no alarm clock, spend the morning at Ko'olina and just relax the day away...WITHOUT homework and epi paper and studying and EKG's and complex care and clinical worksheets and CT2 and home visits and everything else. Sounds nice...maybe next month!

 I realized today that for the first time in 7 years, Brett has not come into my mind every single day. That scares me. I am so afraid of forgetting. And I know I never will but I want to think of him every day and feel him with me. I gave my necklace with Brett's picture on it to Logan before he left for deployment. He wears him around his neck every single day and I know Brett is keeping him safe. Maybe that's why I haven't felt him as much lately, because he is taking care of my other half....making sure he comes home safe to me.

I hope that someday I will understand life a little better...sometimes I just don't get it. Maybe we aren't supposed to get it. I don't know.

One more day One more time  One more sunset, maybe Id be satisfied But then again I know what it would do...Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you

You'll Always Be My Shooting Star

Afraid to remember...but terrified to forget. I love him, I miss him. He was my best friend.

If you hear this

Wherever you are
Just know I need you here
I need you near me now
You were brighter than the pale white moon
Reflected in your eyes
So I guess it's no surprise
I can't forget you
No matter what I do

I will always carry you
In my heart
You'll always be my shooting star
Autumn days will fade away
But memories will always stay the same
I'm hoping you will never change
Don't ever change

I just need to slow down for awhile
I'm missing your warm smile and the way you used to say
Stay with me till the daylight breaks
No matter what it takes
Just say you'll stay
Just say you'll stay

I will always carry you
In my heart
You'll always be my shooting star
Autumn days will fade away
But memories will always stay the same
I'm hoping you will never change
Don't ever change.
Don't ever fade away...

“Music speaks what cannot be expressed, soothes the mind and gives it rest, heals the heart and makes it whole, flows from heaven to the soul.”

Make every day count. Appreciate every moment and take from it everything that you possibly can.

"Everything happens for a reason."

Is it true or is it just one of those things people say to make you feel better about whatever it is that's going on in life at that particular moment? I don't know...I don't think anybody knows but I can tell you this: Certain things have happened in my life that left me feeling like my whole world was turned upside down. Other situations have confused me, others have made me sad, others have made me feel extremely blessed. Looking back, I now see how everything has fit together. It all makes sense. Don't get me wrong, there are still situations I wish would have turned out differently but overall, I think everything has worked out just the way it was supposed to.