Make every day count. Appreciate every moment and take from it everything that you possibly can.

"Everything happens for a reason."

Is it true or is it just one of those things people say to make you feel better about whatever it is that's going on in life at that particular moment? I don't know...I don't think anybody knows but I can tell you this: Certain things have happened in my life that left me feeling like my whole world was turned upside down. Other situations have confused me, others have made me sad, others have made me feel extremely blessed. Looking back, I now see how everything has fit together. It all makes sense. Don't get me wrong, there are still situations I wish would have turned out differently but overall, I think everything has worked out just the way it was supposed to.

I Love Him

Thoughts

Do you hear me? I'm talking to you. Across the water, across the deep blue ocean. Under the open sky, oh my, baby I'm trying.

Boy I hear you in my dreams. I feel your whisper across the sea. I keep you with me in my heart. You make it easier when life gets hard.

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend. Lucky to have been where I have been. Lucky to be coming home again.

They don't know how long it takes. Waiting for a love like this. Every time we say goodbye, I wish we had one more kiss. I'll wait for you, I promise you I will.

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend. Lucky to have been where I have been. Lucky to be coming home again.

Lucky we're in love in every way. Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed. Lucky to be coming home someday.

And so I'm sailing through the sea. To an island where we'll meet. You'll hear the music fill the air. I'll put a flower in your hair.

Through the breezes through the trees. Move so pretty, you're all I see. As the world keeps spinning 'round. you hold me right here, right now.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When it comes to life decisions, relationships, friendships, family...anything...I've had doubts about what I was doing and the decisions I was making. The source of doubt has come from my own thoughts and feelings but I've also realized that when others express doubt or raise questions about my life, I have a tendency to take on their feelings. That's when I begin to doubt myself.

I have learned that everyone has an opinion...and they are entitled to it. In some cases I like to hear it but sometimes I don't. I don't like to second guess myself. I think the things that I do for a reason and I feel the way I do for a reason...I have to stop letting what others think and feel influence me. Nobody knows me better than I know myself and I cannot forget that. My sources of doubt come from two places...from myself and from other people.

From past experiences I have learned that the doubt coming from myself needs to be listened to. There is a reason for it and I have talked myself out of it...rationalized my own thinking in situations where I shouldn't have. It has cost me in some ways but been beneficial in others. I started listening to myself and have been taking care of my own needs since and have never been happier.

I learned something in psych class my freshman year...hindsight bias. It's when we exaggerate the predictability of an event after it happened. Like when we say..."I knew that was going to happen." But yet when we originally were thinking it, the feeling wasn't as strong. Don't know if that makes sense or not. Too many times I haven't listened to my feelings, brushed them off as being stupid or irrational when in fact they were just the opposite.

In the last few weeks I have forgotten that I am the only one that really knows me. I allow other people to make me doubt myself...which is exactly what I started doing. I am done. Nobody knows except me. I am happy and I am confident that I am doing exactly what I am supposed to do. Optimism is what has saved me. Positive attitude is everything in believing in myself and in my dreams is what keeps me happy. I love my life. Yes, things are uncertain and yes, some things are up in the air right now but everything will work out the way it is supposed to.

I get so upset sometimes because some things people say make me feel like they don't trust me to make my own decisions. Anybody that loves me can see that this is the happiest I have ever been and I want them to be happy for me. Most are.

I have been through a lot. Made a lot of mistakes, learned a lot of things. I am not a rookie when it comes to relationships and what it takes to make them work. I have accomplished a lot and I'm no dummy. I have a good sense of who I can and can't trust and I will NOT let people take advantage of me. I believe in myself. 

Bottom line...I can and will make my own decisions. Nobody knows me better than me. I am in tune with my feelings and the things I want in life and will do what it takes to make it. Let me make my own mistakes and make my own life path. Don't tell me it will be hard...I already know this. I am prepared for it and will do WHATEVER it takes to make it through it all. That's life, it's not supposed to be easy and simple with everything laid out nice and neat.

Maybe the path I am taking is not what some people would choose or recommend...but it's my life not theirs. I will succeed. And that's a promise that will not be broken. TRUST.

Have a little faith...

I am so lucky. My life has changed so much in the last year and a half that it amazes me. I've always been such a planner and this time has definitely taught me that plans change. And boy am I thankful they have. I am slowly building the life I have always dreamed of with the man that I will spend the rest of my life with.

So many people doubt love...and snicker when you say something about spending forever with somebody. Let's face it, the majority of people that get married end up getting divorced. Maybe I'm being super optimistic, maybe I'm being a dreamer...but you know what? I truly believe with every piece of my heart that this is it. This is what I want and he is everything I've ever dreamed of and more. He is my rock, my support system, my smile...he is the reason why I feel on top of the world every single day.

Life changes unexpectedly, and life changes fast. There are always bumps in the road and hard times that help us to appreciate everything that we have. I have seen my whole life change in one second. Since that day I have promised myself to take in everything I can, appreciate the little things, and always always always remember that I am blessed.

I am starting a new chapter in my life...graduate in December, get my first apartment (without the parents help) in January, my amazing fiance is home by March (hopefully), wedding in May, Army OBLC in July...then who knows? Not only am I about to become a wife, but a military wife. And on top of that, I will be active duty military for the next three years and married to a marine.

I'm a little scared...but mostly excited. I just need to remember to relax...things will work out the way they are supposed to. Just gotta have a little faith...

Missing My Man

I come from an Island
In the Carolina sand
Where I was broke down,
Built up and reborn a fighting man
My blood runs red,
white and blue
I’ll brave the cold,
the rain, the pain
and the bullets
so you don’t have to

Don’t worry about me;
I’ll be all right
Just care for your children and sleep tight
I’ll keep you safe
on my watch tonight

It’s a long, long way from that island
And a long way from home
With the thought of you standing behind me
I could never be alone

There’s a promise
I need you to make
While I’m gone you take care of the love
And I’ll deal with the hate

Don’t worry about me;
I’ll be all right
Just care for your children and sleep tight
I’ll keep you safe
on my watch tonight

Well...tonight is already proving to be one of the harder nights. I knew it would be since it's my first night being alone since he left. I've been crying off an on for an hour already and it's only 6! The reality of the situation sink in. Logan is at war. I'm @ home complaining and stressing about stupid things that don't even matter while he is over there doing things I would never be strong enough to do. I just love him so much and I just wish he could be here at home...happy and carefree while hanging out at the beach. I know it's his job and he is an amazing marine and an amazing man but I just want him home. This is going to be a rough deployment...it's barely been a week. I guess it will probably be easier in some ways as time goes on but probably harder in other ways.

-Life Is Good-

So...it's been awhile since I've posted anything on here. I keep forgetting I have it. So here's the latest:

After my mom left I had a few days to hangout before I left for Vegas. I ended up going sailing with Ben and some other people from school out on the bay. It was a blast. Sometimes I forget how lucky I am to live here and sailing definitely reminded me that I live in paradise. It was absolutely gorgeous.

I went to Vegas on the 13th to see Wyatt and Kristi. I stayed at Kristi and Charlie's place. I only saw Wyatt one day and then Kaelin and Jason left to go to Jason's family cabin for the weekend. Since Logan was in Yuma...which is about 5 hours away from Vegas, he rented me a car and I drove down there for the weekend. It was a blast. We stayed in a hotel on base, I got to meet some of his friends, we at some good food, and just loved finally being together.

I went straight to Kaelin's house when I got back into Vegas and we all went to lunch at Chili's with Jason and his brother and girlfriend. It was fun and Wyatt is THE cutest little boy I have ever met. It was the best feeling in the world to have him run up to me with his arms open when I pulled into the driveway that day. I love that little boy more than anything. I met back up with them the next day and Wy and I played on the trampoline for awhile. :D

Since I've been back in HI, I've pretty much been a beach/pool bum and am with Logan whenever he's not working. I started working at Sun SPlash again too, but only 12-15 hours a week. It's so nice to have Logan back. We can FINALLY be together :D Now I'm just hoping he doesn't leave again in August. He's everything I've dreamed of having....and when we are together I always have a smile on my face. He's amazing.

We'll be heading to Vegas July 7 and then to IF July 10-20. Time for him to meet the fam. And we're going up on the annual camping trip in Island Park so he will get to meet that family too (Skaars, Barkers, Lamonts). We are getting tattoos this Tuesday. He's just going to add on to his tribal he already has on his shoulder and I'm getting a lily with a hummingbird on my side. (Upper side ribcage) I decided to add the hummingbird for two reasons...(1) Hummingbirds make me think of my grandma and grandpa Peterson. We used to sit at the kitchen table, eat ice cream, and watch the hummingbirds outside the window. Both of them have passed and I want something to make me think of them and all the fun memories I have with them. (2) Hummingbirds symbolize joy and accomplishing the impossible. It's all about finding the joy in life in any circumstance and never giving up on the things you want in life...no matter how impossible it may seem.

My grandma Shirley passed away two days ago. It's so crazy how fast things can change. She was fine last time I was home. She made her chicken noodle soup on New Year's Day for us...none of us had a clue that cancer was taking over her body. Sometimes I wonder if going to the doctor is what made her leave us so quickly. Everybody's situation is different but for her, the chemo and radiation were too much for her to handle. Once the diagnosis came it was just one bad thing after another and she never recovered in between. Her body was too weak to do anything and she was forced to just give up.

I like to remember all of our sleepovers when I was little. She would let me put my head on her lap and she would brush my hair for hours. It was my favorite. And she would let me play dress up with all her beautiful jewelry she had. And she had a big vase full of peacock feathers...every time we went to visit she would let me take one home. And every birthday I had she would spoil me like crazy at the mall and buy me clothes and shoes and then we would eat lunch at Arby's. That was our place :) I have a lot of really great memories with her. She was an amazing person and she will be missed but I'm just glad she doesn't have to fight anymore.

Night Out

Went out with some friends from school lastnight...it was fun! I FINALLY hungout with the two besties from school, Ben and Weber. I realized how much I've missed them. At this time last year we were all connected at the hip. I think Weber and I were together every single day up until I left to go home for the summer. Good times...that's for sure :) I love these guys <3

My goal was to study for 2 solid hours this morning...this is what happened instead. I think I get distracted too easily....